This month's Steinsaltz Daf Yomi is sponsored by:
Dr. and Mrs. Alan Harris
The Lewy Family Foundation
Marilyn and Edward Kaplan
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We have already discussed the concept of havhanah (literally "a period of distinction"), that it is necessary for a woman to wait three months when moving from one relationship to another in order to clarify who is the true father in the event that the woman becomes pregnant (see daf 33). This rule appears in the Mishnah on our daf (=page), which teaches that a woman whose husband passes away with no children will receive neither yibum nor halitzah for three months after his death. Furthermore, according to the Mishnah, even in non-yibum situations this rule applies, whether the woman was divorced or widowed, whether the first marriage ended after erusin (betrothal) or nesu'in (full marriage). As we have learned, a Jewish wedding is made up of two parts ? kiddushin (betrothal) and nesu'in (marriage). Although it is called betrothal, kiddushin is not just a commitment to marry ? it is actual marriage. For example, if the couple chooses not to complete the marriage with nesu'in, they will need a formal get (divorce). In the time of the Mishnah, these two parts normally took place about a year apart, in order to give the bride and groom time to prepare for the wedding and for their marriage, but today they are done one after the other at the wedding ceremony.
Rabbi Yehudah permits someone whose failed marriage was only at the betrothal stage to get married without waiting three months, since it is reasonable to assume that the couple did not engage in sexual relations during that period. Similarly, even someone whose failed marriage was a full marriage of nesu'in would be allowed to receive kiddushin immediately, since no sexual relations will take place until a later stage in the marriage. An exception would be the community in the southern part of
The custom in Yehudah to allow the bride and groom to spend secluded time together ? which was understood to make it likely that they would consummate their marriage before the concluding ceremony ? was a response to a governmental decree in the time of the Mishnah that every Jewish bride was to spend a night with the local Roman governor before her marriage. Although the Gemara in Ketubot records that many efforts were made to avoid this decree, one method was to encourage a romantic, and indeed sexual, relationship between the couple even before the nesu'in.
This essay is based upon the insights and chidushim of Rabbi Steinsaltz, as published in the Hebrew version of the Steinsaltz Edition of the Talmud. To learn more about the Steinsaltz Daf Yomi initiative, click here.
Next: Yevamot 42a-b